why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize