I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
