Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my shit smells like andre
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
