it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
