Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
