I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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