so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
