fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
