Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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