He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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