you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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