I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
