the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
