Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
