will power is for people who don't want to get laid
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
