doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
