his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
