I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
