Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
