I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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