You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
