Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
