I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize