He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
