I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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