I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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