Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
