his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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