We're facebook friends in real life
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
