How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
