I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
