I think I died a long time ago.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
