Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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