Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize