yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
