never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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