Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
