chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
