Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
