What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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