I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
