i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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