Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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