just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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