Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
