Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
