Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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