But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
