you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
