Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
