also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
