anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
