using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
