God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone shit on the floor
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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