I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
