Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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