Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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