i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
