he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
whose parrot is this?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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