I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My balls are so social today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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