she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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