angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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