My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
