Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My vagina is very pro this idea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
